Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love: Simple Ways to Nurture and Strengthen Your Relationships by Richard Carlson & Kristine Carlson

Author:Richard Carlson & Kristine Carlson
Language: eng
Format: azw3, mobi, epub
Tags: Love & Romance, Self-Management, General, Family & Relationships, Stress Management, Self-Help
ISBN: 9780786884209
Publisher: Hachette Books
Published: 2000-10-17T16:00:00+00:00

50. MASTER THE ART OF THE HEART-TO-HEART ♥

Regardless of how good, honest, loving, and wonderful your relationship happens to be—or becomes—it's inevitable that you are going to run into at least some degree of conflict. Every couple has occasional issues to resolve. It's built into the system. That's why it's essential that you master the art of this type of communication. I can't imagine a relationship surviving—certainly not thriving—without the use of this powerful tool. A heart-to-heart is a very specific type of conversation that is ideally suited to—you guessed it—matters of the heart. You can use heart-to-heart talks to discuss awkward, painful, or difficult issues, or as a way to resolve conflict, solve problems, or come to a mutual understanding. In many instances, you can even use them as a way to agree to disagree. This is a loving yet extremely powerful way to communicate with someone you love. It's so powerful, in fact, that almost nothing is too painful to discuss, given the proper environment. The foundation of a heart-to-heart talk is an agreement by each person to approach the conversation with love and respect. Both parties agree to speak and, even more importantly, listen, in a non defensive manner, to keep their hearts open and their reactions in check. The overriding goals of a heart-to-heart talk are to ensure that each partner feels heard—and to ensure that both people emerge feeling closer to one another, regardless of whether or not the issue is ultimately resolved. The key is to bring up the need for a heart-to-heart in a gentle, nonthreatening manner and then to continue with the same attitude throughout your discussion. In a heart-to-heart, it's far more important to learn than it is to teach—to listen rather than speak. It's important to let go of your foregone conclusions and habitual reactions. It's important to absorb what is being said—rather than react to it. So often, couples fall into poor communication habits with one another, with everyday stuff as well as with more sensitive issues. Most couples have plenty of knee-jerk reactions: blaming, jealousy, poor listening, taking for granted, and angry responses to contend with. These habits invariably lead to a lack of trust, an apathetic attitude, a distancing, or even outright disrespect or outrage. Cultivating the respect for, and the desire to engage in, heart-to-heart talks can erase most, if not all, of these problems. And luckily, this type of communication is easy to implement. In most cases, it only takes one partner to positively influence the relationship by initiating this heartfelt communication. There are vastly different degrees of depth to a heart-to-heart talk—but any steps in this direction can be enormously helpful. Shared intimacy or deep, honest communication is a profound need of the human spirit. Very simply, it's nourishing and brings with it a feeling of closeness. Sadly, if for whatever reasons you can't or aren't willing to share or listen at this level, your partner may drift away from you, emotionally or even physically.

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